its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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