That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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