Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
