I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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