Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
