Non-Jews are for practice
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
