I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
this beer tastes like vomit already
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
