so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
