so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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