I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We are two peas in an std pod
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
