Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
