I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
