I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
