Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
