He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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