oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
