I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
