I'm eating all of the evidence.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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