OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
