you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
