The maid of honor just puked.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
