I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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