I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
