I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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