you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
