My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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