just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
