I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
