If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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