help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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