Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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