Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
