Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
