I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
