3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
