I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
