So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
