I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
