In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
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You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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