I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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