I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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