he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
