You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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