I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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