and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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