Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
