It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
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i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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