Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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