Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
