the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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