we have officially mastered the walk of shame
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I didn't notice because vodka
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
