Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
