last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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