you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
