I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
