Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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