does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
