I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
