I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
