used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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