If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
